I tend to want to qualify my thoughts on almost everything, just in case you start thinking I’m perfect or that I have it all figured out—quite the opposite. When I write, I’m writing with the goal in mind, and I never want to give you some sort of measuring stick in order to compare yourself to me. So don’t do that. I hope you come away with some ideas to think about and then if they are beneficial to you, apply them in your own life. Don’t make something out of nothing or create a problem where one didn’t exist! Okay, I’m done qualifying. 

A friend and fellow firewife asked me this week “How do you stay patient with your husband when he’s been working hard and comes home checked out?”. The dynamics of being a firewife can be unique at times, but I think the answer will apply to all wives, not just my fellow firewives.

This question took me back to about 5-8 years ago. I can’t remember exactly when this realization happened to me. I do remember it changed everything. 

I asked myself this question:

“Would I want to come home to me?”

I didn’t like the answer. I found myself harboring bitterness in my heart before my husband even walked through the door. He was gone, at minimum, two days at a time and when he walked into the door I was already irritated. He was met with attitude, silence, or just a relative indifference from me.

Yikes.

When he was at work, I tended to think that he was having fun with his friends. He was hanging out, eating out, maybe watching a movie, all while I was managing the chaos at home. I knew he was working but his job kept him away for days at a time and there were days I was barely hanging on! 

I felt undervalued and underappreciated. This did not come from my husband. It was something I did to myself. 

How dare he come back from working two days like everything was fine? How dare he come back home and have the nerve to be tired? I was caring for children, cooking, cleaning, and managing the home alone while he was at work…yes I know, saving lives.

When I truly examined who my husband was coming home to, it changed everything. It forced me to look outside of myself and think about how he was feeling as he walked through that door. Our firemen put their bodies through the most demanding physical, emotional, and mental conditions. They see and hear things I don’t want to imagine. I started to wonder what it would feel like to be away from my family for days at a time under these harsh conditions.

Then another thought crossed my mind: He isn’t choosing to be away from me for days at a time, this is our life, his profession, our livelihood, and his job is a gift from God. He enjoyed coming home from work to be with us. He didn’t want to be away that long, but the realities of his job made that normal for us.

Slowly, I started to change. I started to take the time to get dressed before he came home, or at least have my teeth brushed! I would take time to greet him at the door instead of casually saying hi on my way to something else. My husband likes clean countertops so if nothing else in the house was tidy or put away I tried to make sure the counters were cleaned. I desired to make him feel welcomed and appreciated as he came through the door after days of being gone.

This is not easy. Maybe you’re rolling your eyes thinking about this, but as a wife and a mother it is a joy to serve our families. When we fully embrace the role God has called us to, we take ownership of that and we want to do it well. I don’t know about you, but I want my kids to see me loving their dad well and creating a warm and inviting home for him. I want them to know what it’s like to show love by serving others.

So how do you do it? Practice and prayer.

Practice. I heard a pastor say once that we get into trouble when we start to play the “Whose life is harder than whose”. We all tend to do that. For example, we don’t allow our husbands to be tired because how could they possibly be as tired as we are? But what if we changed that mentality to remember that our lives are each difficult in different ways? We’re here as a team, working together to raise our kids and make a life we are both grateful for.  This happens mutually of course, but as your heart changes, which causes your responses to change,  your husband will notice. Practice thinking about your responses before you say them, digging out any resentment you may have before he comes home. Think about the woman he’s coming home to.

Prayer. Pray for your husband and thank God for his job. A lot of times when we are holding on to resentment or irritability, it’s because we are thinking about ourselves far too much. When we lift our husbands up in prayer it takes the focus off of ourselves and reminds us to think about him the way God sees him. God calls husbands to support their families and to be diligent and hardworking in order to provide. When we pray for our husband it allows us to sit in gratitude for him and the way he works hard for us. So pray for him and his job. Text him a “Thank you” text, or tell him you prayed for him today.

Pray for your own heart and your posture toward your husband. Pray for God’s strength and endurance to carry you.

My husband and I always tell our kids, “Marriage is hard, beautiful, and sanctifying work.” We are sinners who marry sinners. Even though I know you’re practically perfect in every way, right? Ha! Two very imperfect people choosing to spend their lives together won’t always be comfortable. But it will always be sanctifying.

Each day we get a chance to love, honor, respect, and be grateful for our husband is a gift. We glorify God in everything we do, this is especially true in our home. We get to be wives and mothers who delight in the role God has given us. 

Do you have anything to add? How do you remain patient when your husband comes home?