“Lord, I’m struggling…in this worn-out cycle of ups and downs/on point and off/binging and not. Where does this struggle end? What do I have to learn that I’m not?

I’m tired. Of feeling this way. Of feeling sad. Of feeling defeated.” 2/27/17

Prayers like this riddled my journals for years. I pulled these journals out recently and read them all. I started flagging the number of times I prayed for God to take away my struggle with food.

There were dozens of entries.

As I poured over these journals, tears streamed down my cheeks as I realized what the Lord had done in my life and how far I had truly come. The prayers on the page brought me back to those moments of despair and reminded me how sad, lonely, and desperate I was to be different. To think differently. For this struggle to go away. For this to not be my “thing”.

I just wanted freedom and I wanted God to take it away.

This is what I realized-

I had made small changes, little by little. I had taken one step forward and two steps back, but I kept moving forward. I didn’t do it perfectly, but I was consistent. These small decisions added up to big changes over the years and it didn’t look how I thought it would. I was praying for God to just take “it” away, to wake up one morning and not seek food as comfort, and to enjoy moving my body.

But His answer didn’t look that way.

Instead, it came in an invitation to a women’s only bootcamp, in a meeting over coffee where I opened up and shared all of my food struggles, in a dear friend who started her journey after me and pushed me to keep going in mine, and in other dear friends who spurred me on in my relationship with the Lord. Seven years later, I can reflect back with the clarity that only time gives and say:

I have freedom. The temptations have not left, but I am no longer a slave to them, and that is freedom.

This is why I am here. Why I am sharing. Why I am stepping into this new role of accountability coaching.

I want to offer the same encouragement to you. Whether you’ve started already or you’re somewhere in the middle – I would love to walk with you on this imperfect yet hopeful path towards the Lord and His freedom.